It is easy to talk about acceptance but it is difficult to put into practice. Accepting our recent inability to perform an important function that we feel we really should be able to do easily is hard for anyone to do. A chronic pain problem has no outward manifestation of its difficulties so other people typically assume there is no appreciable level of disability and expect us to perform normally. It is hard to accept functional loss and cope with the beliefs and attitudes of others about our ability and worth. Despite these problems there is no future in continuing with the conflict and we need to move towards acceptance of the reality of the case.
There are many examples of how we must accept the present situation and the reality of how we are. Making changes to our ways of doing things can be a very useful strategy to move us closer to our desired goals. Often however people get stuck with a particular situation and have no other choices than acceptance or conflict. There are undesirable effects from fighting against the pain and we can release ourselves from the conflict by developing our ability to accept parts of our present state. We can then finally start to apply positive strategies to our problems and increase our chances of a good result.
If we don’t accept our situation we cannot let go of the conflict and so we are unable to take up suggestions we or others might generate to make things better. If I don’t see why I should do things differently because I don’t want to give in to the pain or let people down, I will not want to adopt a new method or accept a lower level of performance. So we block ourselves from making the changes we need to and in many cases want to make or improve our lives. Accepting This is where I am now and I have to cope with that is a big step and can open the gates to change.
The scripts we use, the words which we say to ourselves about our abilities or our desires, are important in how we act. They are often unconscious, these specific interpretations and ideas about ourselves. We might say My fitness is at a good level and I can manage social activities, sports and my life all together, which would be a good position to be in. If a person has a pain syndrome or low back problem their scripts will run in different ways such as My pain disables me and I don’t think it is ever going to improve so I won’t be enjoying any activities in the future. This is the underlying message a resigned person might have constructed for themselves.
However, very negative scripts, constantly going round and round in our minds, lead to negative thinking and depression. One approach is to consciously generate new scripts and an example of this might be Even though I do have a pain condition which limits my ability, if I manage my situation well I will be able to do many of the things I want to in a modified manner. This is a realistic description of the situation and more likely to lead to a realistic assessment of our situation and a more positive approach to any action which could be taken to improve it.
A realistic script is not the same as a positive one, although there may be positive aspects to it, and should definitely not be rose-tinted unless certain disappointment is to be expected once reality intrudes. However, the more positive and practical view enables people to join in in the assessment and management of their pain, being able to take better advantage of any advice and help from a health professional.
Accepting whatever reality we inhabit is less likely to lead to maladaptive behaviours in response to our problems. The pushing on to break through the pain barrier can be moderated and a more successful approach adopted instead of conflict.